How To Stop Starting Over | Harness Your Pain and Crush Your Goals

What is the difference between someone who sets really large goals and reaches them and someone who sets really large goals and doesn’t? That’s the question I’ve dedicated myself to uncover for almost my entire career. Whether the goals are for business, fitness, health – anything for that matter – this is a common theme.

There’s one distinction that’s a commonality of those who do reach their goals and those who don’t reach their goals. The people who don’t reach their goals always start with strategy first. They start with how-to’s – How do I start? How do I get what I need? How can I do this? The problem with strategy first is that there is a lack of emotional connection. Furthermore, without emotional connection to a goal, you will fail at reaching your goal. 

The people who are successful always know what they want long-term. They make their goals specific to them and understand the purpose of the goals that they set. It’s really hard to be self-aware and execute, but once you practice self-awareness daily then you start to crush your goals every time.

It’s the “how-to’s” versus the “what I wants.” There are surface-level goals and there are deep, enchanting goals that align with your core identity. Set a goal that’s going to pull you towards it every day — a goal that pulls you forward rather than pushes from behind is going to allow you to be successful.

What Do You Want?

Be specific about what you want and why it’s important to you.

I’ve worked with thousands of people and when I ask them what their goals are, I always hear “to be fit and toned,” “losing weight,” “making more money,” “having more energy” – those are goals that millions of people have. Those are not YOUR goals specific to WHO you are. How can you be motivated to move towards something that is so generic and has nothing tangible to connect it to?

Impact is the most important thing to me; that’s the legacy that I want to leave. I could eat chocolate pancakes every morning, but the sacrifice I make by not eating those pancakes helps me lead that impact. There’s nothing special about “wanting to lose 5 lbs to feel better.” Decide why you want to lose those 5 lbs. Does it mean having more energy to play with your daughter? Is the sacrifice something you’re willing to make?

Uncover what you want and why you want it. We want to set goals specific to us. Whenever I meet with my clients I ask them what they want and why they want it. I usually hear the initial surface-level answers. I take it a step deeper and follow up with asking them what they want for themselves. The answer always changes. If you take time and realize that reaching your goal could change the trajectory of your life, you can maximize your quality of life by making and reaching your goals.

Next time you’re creating your goals, ask yourself these questions. Brainstorm for 10 minutes and start to push through all of the surface level thoughts until you finally reach the thing that excites you for change.

  1. What do you really want? What’s your outcome?
  2. Why do you really want it? What’s your purpose?

Allow yourself the privilege of having the metaphorical dirty water. Let the dirt settle to the bottom so that the water becomes clear and you can truly uncover what you want. If you’re struggling, connect your goal to someone whom you love. Why will this benefit them? For me, it’s my wife and my kids. I set goals so I can be my best self for them. I genuinely want you to stop starting over by giving you the tools so that you can go above and beyond with your goals. 

Staying Strong

Motivation will always come and go. At the end of last year, I was very demotivated. Morgan and I were about to have our second baby. Life was a grey area for me at that time. Even so, I knew that my health, my nutrition, my workouts and everything else needed to be maintained through that demotivation. Thankfully, I pushed through and came out stronger on the other side. I began the new year ready to challenge myself and reach new heights. 

So, what are you going to do when the demotivation hits? The ‘whats’ and the ‘whys’ are going to be the reasons that keep you going. The general goals are the reason why we don’t pull. They’re why we push. The generalization is why we give up when we get demotivated. Instead of contemplating whether or not you’re going to throw in the towel, you’re going to have the default response of picking the towel up and wiping your sweat off.

“Don’t get tired, get tough.”

If you try the same thing over and over and get the same results that you’re unhappy with every time – it’s time to try something new. We have to make sure that we are changing our approaches as we change.

When you understand that the pain of not reaching a goal connected to someone you love overshadows the pleasure of eating a cookie, skipping a workout, or sleeping in then you’ve found it. You’ve found that one thing that you’ve never had before. You can actually use pain to motivate yourself towards your goals. We have to decide how to use those negative thoughts.

Make Your Choice

Find a mirror, step in front of that mirror and say your goal! Tell yourself what you are going to do and why you’re going to do it. Envision where you will be in 5, 10, 15, 20 years. Where will you be if you keep working towards those goals vs. where will you be when you slack on your goals?

You have a choice. What choice are you going to make? Are you going to continue to set surface-level goals and fail? Or, are you going to take this opportunity to put this into practice until it becomes your default response? 

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